Another wee Batchelor rant..

I've watched these dating shows for a long long time, and it finally 
hit me. It so so infurriates me, that every season, the dater always 
makes a point of saying they've fallen for the final 3 or 4 people.

I don't get it. Do they get paid extra to say that? Is it part of 
their contract? I mean he just said he had fallen..like inlove, with 
all 4 girls! Not only is he an idiot because he said it to one of the 
girl's mothers. He's also an idiot if he believes what he just said.

Because it isn't possible. It's impossible. Love is a whole-heart and 
full-body thing. It's an all over experience, and for it to be real, 
it has to be ALL, and if you're feeling it for 4 people at the same 
time, their each only actually getting pieces.

I understand it's a dramatic, romantic notion, being torn between 2 
great loves. But that's only in scripted movies, and even then, it's 
TWO lovers, not FOUR, you WHORE!!

I've never been paid to date 30 people at once, and be surrounded by 
fancy dates and tv cameras, so I know that I can't judge, and act like 
I really know what I'm talking about. Maybe love DOES act differently 
when it's on tv. But even if I ran into Shia tomorrow and he knocked 
my books out of my hands, and when we both bent down to pick them up, 
our hands brushed, and we gazed into eachothers eyes..I could still 
never possibly fall for him. Not into ANY sort of love, when I'm 
already so deep in it with my boyfriend. It isn't possible.

Love is only true love if it's whole love. Love is only whole love if 
it's all for one love.

Baby Kisses

I used to tell my friend Lisa to knock on my door and ask me to play precisely at the time I was to go down for my afternoon nap. Mom would feel bad because Lisa walked all the way down the street, and Id be so excited, shed let me go play. And skip nap time!

Children hate nap time, until they get to be 23, and they're the ones sitting in a daycare classroom rubbing multiple backs of crying children, and THEY are the ones trying to explain, "when you get to be my age you're reeeeeally going to miss nap time, you know." That's what I was doing thisaft, anyways.

And then there was Atticus. He's this tiny little 5 year old, like teeny tiny, with choppy short hair, and the oddest teeth that aren't big, but they till stick out sort of funny? He wouldn't sleep. Just refused. I tried turning him onto his tummy, and threatening that if he kept his friends awake with his whining, they'd all be cranky and not want to play with him. I use that line with my boyfriend too, swapping 'whining' with 'Nintendo noises' and 'play with' with 'have sex with'.. Men care more about sex with their girlfriends though, then children care about playing car with their snotty-faced classmates.

So I'm getting impatient, and he's flailing his bony little arms around, so I take his hands and hold them on his bed, with my hand on top of his. And as I'm trying to explain that if he does not give his hands a rest, I assume they're too tired to play with toys later...he kisses me. This most minuscule smidge of a kiss. Not a kiss on the hand, but a tiny little kiss, on my finger?! Like the tip of my finger, with his thin little lips pursed real soft, and just barrrrrely touched them to my finger.

I truly, nearly died.

He looked up at me and smiled, as if it was no big deal, just a measly little kiss, and just stared at my hand on his. Of course he'd have no reason to think that a silly kiss like that would melt his teacher's heart! Have you ever been licked by a newborn kitten?! All fluffy and tiny, and they can't really see, and their rough little tongue just peeks out? It is the smallest, sweetest thing imaginable. Just a smidge of a kiss, in a whole huge world. A kajillion and one things going on 'out there' but I got a kiss in that moment, that made my heart skip a beat.

Needless to say, he was allowed to get up and read on his bed, instead of having a blanket held over his body until he passed out.

No Time To Waste Time

I realize Im an absolute DOUCHE for taking reality television seriously enough to blog about it, however..

The world in general, should take a note from Jake, Mr. Bachelor Pilot Man.

Instead of dragging things out for the ratings, he just kicks chicks off, the moment he knows she's not the one. And that's how we should all respond to feelings, I think. I believe in fate and destiny and stuff, and that there's one person out there who may not be perfect, but will be the best person for us, and if we're getting strung along by some guy too afraid to speak his feelings, we could totally wander mindlessly through the checkout at the grocery store and not notice the handsome hunk behind us, who was SUPPOSED to be the one, but we didnt look at him, because we were too busy trying to figure out what to make our current boyfriend for dinner, even though that current boyfriend is thinking about Nintendo and beer, and anything BUT us because he's nowhere near loving you enough to see himself marrying you, EVER, so why should he think about you right now?

(Yes, that paragraph was just 2 sentences.)

I just think love is a precious commodity, and shouldnt be wasted on people that arent wasting theirs on us. I think its cowardly and very asshole-like if a person breaks up with you, and then throws in,

"Ive been thinking about this for a long time."

"Really?! While I was grocery shopping and ignoring the sex machiene behind me, and then sweating in your kitchen, and burning myself while dipping strawberries in chocolate and shaving my legs..you were thinking about dumping me?"

"Well.."

"No, while I was spending a month's salary on your Christmas present 2 months ago, you were thinking about breaking up with me?"

"Well, I.."

"So when I agreed to let you cover me in chocolate and take my picture and ACCIDENTALLY send it to all your douchebag friends..you were thinking about dumping me?"

It's just rude.

When I was in Grade 11, I broke up with my first boyfriend, whom Id dated for like a month lol, because I knew already that I was never going to marry him. I want hoping to marry ANYONE in the near future, but I knew that even in the distant future, I was not going to become Mrs. Hull. He talked about "boobies and dinkies" and after our first make out, my first ever make out, he assured me, "If you get sick, its normal. Its our different saliva mixing for the first time, youll be fine". WHY would I want to drag THAT out in hopes it'll maybe, possibly, likely not get better?

If youre out there, and youre honestly, seriously questioning the person youre in a relationhip with right now, or if youve noticed yourself questioning it before, once or twice..especially if youve thought about it THREE times, I just believe its time to end it. It's not fair to you and its not fair to this other person. If you think you'll just give it another month and THEN think about it again, that's a whole month in which they could be finding, or be found by another person better for them, its a whole month in which you could be finding the actual one.

Life doesnt last forever, and love is pretty much an endangered species, so we need to end things, maybe break a few hearts, send a few skanks home before that night's rose ceremony, until we've found the one we REALLY want to spend it all on.

(Unless youre my boyfriend. Im deliriously in some serious love with you, so please string me along as long as possible. Thanks!)

Ps. If your boyfriend wears turtlenecks in Chinatown, and sends you and your wine away from his bed, its time to move on and keep your eyes peeled for someone less gay. Unless youre gay. I guess!